This week we have a lot to celebrate, we are almost done with the home study, we have a new fundraiser going on and Jacob is finally eating again after that nasty 5 day tummy sickness! But for some reason today I am a little...empty. We have been going non-stop for the last few weeks and it’s been awesome helping me keep my mind occupied. The house is cleaner, the remodels are done, the home study paperwork is done and the dossier paperwork is slowly getting done. But for some reason today I can't stop thinking about my babies I can't hold yet.
About a month ago we cleaned out the 3rd bedroom and now at that’s left in there is a desk that will be moved this weekend. I’m going to tell you a little secret, not even Chris knows, some nights I go in the room and just stand there and look at the empty room. I have visions of a little girl’s room with purples and grays or an older little boy’s room with toys all over the floor. I think about all the memories waiting to happen in that room. We are happy and blessed and we love our son so much, but I can’t help having that feeling like we are missing a few family members.
Monday I got an email from a family member that kind of hurt. In reply to us emailing her about our decision to adopt from Ethiopia, she stated that “If it is God’s will that you adopt, I will pray that He changes your heart to adopt in the USA and NOT a foreign country. We have a lot of babies here that need a loving home.” Ouch. I will state first that I agree with her last sentence, there are a lot of babies in the US that need homes…and there are MILLIONS of babies around the world that need loving homes, I don’t chose who I help by where they live but instead where I feel GOD leads me too. But besides all that, he statement hurt because to me we are expecting from Ethiopia (heck we will call it pregnant if you will) and if our “hearts change” it will be HEART BREAK! My babies are in Ethiopia, my children who I pray for and already love are in ETHIOPIA. Asking me to change where I am adopting from is like asking me to give up my kids! Still don’t get it? Praying for me to change the location we adopt from is like telling me that you are going to pray for a pregnant me to not be pregnant anymore. Overdramatic? Maybe, but this is how I feel.
Can I ask you to do me a favor? Can you pray for our brown-eyed babies? Can you pray with me that they are being loved on and cared for since we can’t yet? I know right now they are going through the worst pain they are ever going to face and I wish I could be there to dry their tears and hug them like only a mommy can.
Proverbs 16:9 "The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps."