Friday, June 24, 2011

I thank Him

I have to admit that I have a lot to be thankful for on a regular basis. I'm thankful for my family, my job, my friends, etc. But lately I'm REALLY thankful for God changing me. I keep remembering where I was a year ago, or even worse six months ago, and I am so thankful that I'm not there anymore. A year ago I was depressed and bitter. Even though I didn't want to admit it, I knew God was saying "not yet" and I refused to listen. I wanted another child so bad (and selfishly what I thought our family should look like) that I just ignored Him. Thankfully my God is much more stubborn than I am and He saved me from myself. I am so thankful that now I can rejoice when a friend finds out she is pregnant instead of cringing in jealousy. I can look at ultrasounds and little babies without pain and bitterness. Sure there is still longing for another child but now my longing is more in line with God's longing. Now I don't just want another child to add to our family, but also another child to add to God's kingdom. I don't just dream about our kids growing up, but also about orphans all around the world getting fed and loved on. God took my pain and my longing and turned it into something beautiful. He freed me from my selfishness and broke my heart for what broke His. I'm not perfect but I am changed!

Something else I have to thank God for is freeing me from my stubbornness about my weight. Its pretty obvious that I need to get healthy, not just for myself but for my family too. But I am VERY stubborn and if I can find a reason not to do something then I am pretty set in my ways. Thats how I have been about my weight since we first started trying for kids. I have always known that losing weight would make it easier to get pregnant, but my stubbornness would kick in and I figured, whats the point? Im going to get pregnant soon and just gain it all back. Ok I admit this logic was stupid but I was so stuck in my ways that I couldnt find a way out. Well, now what the heck is my excuse?? NOTHING! For the first time since we have been married, I am actually hoping to not get pregnant (yeah yall that know me knew I pushed Chris into having kids, thankfully he loves being a daddy and forgave me ;) so I have NOTHING standing in my way! So, Im gonna do it! I feel that God is asking me to fix a lot of areas of my life and this is one of them! I am a goal oriented person so I am going to set a goal for myself to lose 100lbs in 1 year! Yep, Im crazy. That means 2lbs a week! But Im tired of living with excuses, like "I can't because its too hard" or "I don't have enough time". I CAN do this and I CAN make time. I NEED to do this. I owe this to my husband, to Jacob, our future kids and to my family! So its been 2 weeks since Ive started this goal and Im not doing so great with only losing 2.5lbs, but I figure I need a week or 2 get used to our new lifestyle. No more excuses and no more laziness. Im looking forward to the "new me" that God is creating inside and out.
So, is God asking you to "stop making excuses and start making changes"? Don't ignore it!


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